Posts Tagged ‘Life’

 

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God’s number 7. An undeniably magical number. 7 long years. 1 September 2009 – 16 October 2016. Dearest Getzy.

They say first loves are the hardest to let go. And me being someone who collects and treasures my ‘firsts’ possessions, I’d say it’s mighty true. Only a pity, this black beauty ain’t gonna be parked in my museum of firsts.

My last glimpses of this dearest friend, as I walked away from it, wasn’t of any relief. In fact, it was more painful than I had ever imagined. I imagined that I would be looking forward to receiving the new car. That I would just leave this fellow hatchie behind. But the truth is, I have always been sentimental. Even more so at the final moments. The thoughts of it heading for the scrapyard, visualising how it’s gonna be crushed like they are normally done on shows, feels like I’m watching a friend being lowered into the earth.

Really. This starts to feel more like a funeral than a just simple goodbye.

Death is a release to the one who departs from the struggles of this earth. But to those who stays behind, our struggles continue. We live in memory of those who have exited our lives but we choose to continue to honor them in our hearts, in our words, in our actions, in all ways.

Today, I honor the memories of these past 7 years with my dearest faithful friend who has served alongside me to show grace after grace after grace to my circle of close friends, friends, acquaintances, people, even strangers around me. To give generously to those in need, to offer generously to those who felt undeserving, to celebrate joyously amongst fellow brothers and sisters. To honor and bring glory to the One and Only.

Remember:
The beginning times when I first just got to know you. When I started my first internship. At Audi Singapore. Going to Queensway every morning. Getting a whole lot of parking fines one after the other. And a few really hefty ones, including the bus lane fine when my only intention was to pump up your shoes travelling from one petrol station to the next which was less than 100m away. That was 2009.

In 2010, we spent quite a bit of on-off time together. And more so, in 2011, as those were the days of my national service. I still remember the day I spent cleaning you up and polishing till you sparkled a day before my polytechnic graduation, making sure you’d shine. The trips to the national shooting centre, where we would just have fun revving down that peaceful road. Book-out days and weekends were joy, looking forward to driving.

Those days continued till the third-quarter of 2012. And not forgetting how much of a help you were, when we shifted from The Shaughnessy to Punggol, ferrying so so so many things, up and down, down and up. I was simply amazed by how much things I could fit into you. Literally comparable to a pickup van.

Late 2012. I started working. We were spending every day together. Getting all covered up in sand, dust and dirt, every few days because of the roads we had to take. Then 2013 came. 4 years after. I wanted more from you. I wanted you to be better. And because of the financial inflow, I gave you a series of upgrades. Air intake, open pod air filter, strut bars. And of course I replaced your mouth and ears – the sound system, which was then crackling like encrypted messages already.

The year got more exciting. We started going sideways, sliding and grinding tarmacs. Burning up your shoes was simply adrenaline-pumping. And you continued to surprise me, how much you were holding out. How hard you could be pushed, how much you were willing to be pushed. I was amazed. I was in love. In love with a fellow mate that was willing to go its limits with me. And it hit. The limits. One hefty clutch that nearly got burnt out. Ouch.

We changed it. And the following year, 2014, we got your shocks changed as well.

We were going places after places. To work, to German classes at Orchard, to HomeTeamNS, to social outings, etc. And then 2 months in Germany at the end of 2013. God, I miss you. I miss driving but I miss it more because I was driving with you. 2 whole months of absence, without gas, brake & clutch pedals, smell of petrol, gear shifting, shoulder workouts on a relatively heavy power steering. It wasn’t me,  without you.

Truly, you’ve redefined fun. You’ve redefined driving for me. You’ve taught me so much only because you gave me so much to learn. Might I say, you’re the driving force to ground myself and knowledge in mechanical engineering. A dream without will or desire to seek will not lead to completion or fruition. You are that desire. You are that initiation.

While the excessive rubber burning wasn’t our core business all along, our mission was clear. In these past 7 years, the number of rides we’ve given, the people who have sat on your leathery seats, those times when we squeezed a few more at the back, compressing those rear springs and asking your heart to pump harder to move. You’ve never given up on me. Not once. Your shoes might have popped a few times but you continued to roll as if it was nothing. Even when it’s hard, you bit on.

So many names who can testify.

For to me, you weren’t just a machine or another chunk of metal. You were and still are a fellow friend in battle. Thank you, dearest Getzy, for you have been faithful. Truly faithful.

I give thanks to my dad for his provision and support, in giving this car to me, allowing me to have fulfilled so many wonders and acts of grace through the years. It wasn’t just the acts. It was also a transformation, a God-willed one.

And above all else, I thank You, Father, God of Grace, God of Love, our One and Only, for this blessed tool of Your grace, for Your provisions of finances to upkeep this journey, the learning experiences, Your hand in my transformation. I give praise to You, Lord, for with You, that Your will be done. For with You, our journey begun 8 years ago. Amen.

This is not goodbye. This is liberation. This is to honor you, my friend, in memory and in spirit. That I will continue to serve out an abundant measure of grace to those who walk in and out of our lives, never withholding back any goodness that we may give out to generously. Though we may now be, thus forth, set apart on earth, we continue to stay together in the love of the Spirit. And as we step out of the boat and move forward to walk on water, we will courageously face the uncertainties that await us and grow to do greater things, continuing to honor each other’s tenacity and will, through the memories we cherish. You are family.

It’s about living out the purpose we are called to do.

To this, I quote:

“To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due.” ― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 4: Season of Mists

Till I see you again.

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when was my last post? Let’s see…it’s coming to almost a year since I last posted.

I was actually contemplating whether to even log in and type something, because it’s definitely gonna be nothing short of a super lengthy post, considering the length of hiatus from this blog, and I still have to catch up on my online lectures for engineering mathematics (and also the quizzes to complete!!!)

but i guess if I am here, I’ve made that decision to type, and it has to be that important to reflect on how it has been for the past 11+ months.

So I started working full-time in mid Oct 2012 and at the same time, started learning German. And then work started to get monotonous and repetitive. Same stuff, same tasks with the occasional challenges that makes the brain tick. But as soon as the brain gets by the learning stage and logs them under the automation stage, it becomes peanuts. And then the brain just switches off on weekdays. Sounds like a real easy time for me, isn’t it?

On the contrary, i would say it’s kinda depriving for me. I don’t feel motivated. So much so that I demanded more from myself in learning German. So much so that I took 3 lessons per week for a term, an evening during weekdays and 2 back-to-back lessons with a lunch break on Saturday.  On one hand, I was definitely in need of reaching the advance level asap, on the other hand, it is really kinda crazy to do so, while you’re still working full-time. Well, not that I minded anyone terming me as crazy. But I still managed it, in the end. Fulfilling but exhausting. So I continued with 2 courses per week, until mid-October.

Then July came, applications to dual study programs in Germany opened. Applied 3. but already 2 rejected outcomes. As if the application process wasn’t already tough enough, because I had to juggle between German homework, 8-hours of work life, and translating my applications from English to German and ensuring they sound grammatically correct in German with the help of my sister’s fiancé, I had to have a phone interview, fully in German for almost an hour. God helped me, I don’t know how I survived it. All I knew was that I was drained the next 2 days.

And then November came, 2 months of no-pay leave, in order for me to further continue my German course in Germany. And that’s where I am typing from now. It’s exciting to know that your classmates come from all over the world, though mostly from Europe. But it’s also kinda intimidating when you’re put into such an environment for the first time, especially when it’s much different from studying in a university where you’ll probably meet common people. I don’t know what I am exactly trying to describe here actually. I am saying, it’s neither bad nor really great. It’s just kinda like being thrown onto a deserted island, just not so stone-aged.

….there’s so much bleakness lying around here recently. I want to pursue mech engrg yet I don’t have a confirmed place to study. Not yet. I need an advance level certification on my German proficiency but I’m still struggling to become fluent. (but this takes times, seriously. I know that.) And then comes the troubling issue…

Throughout this time, throughout this 11+ months, I feel like I’m simply pursuing challenge after challenge, demanding more and more out of each time, testing my limits, and being conscious that I am able to succeed from one to another. Somehow it sounds like I’m filling my own ego here. And right now, my biggest toughest challenge stands in front of me, to get uni placing. But the point is, so what if I get the placing, so what if I can complete the challenge successfully? Yes, I do get a place to study what I want to pursue. But am I really feeling the true happiness in successfully completing the challenge? Perhaps, just perhaps, not.

It almost feels like I’m hopping around from one dot to another aimlessly and haphazardly. I don’t feel the rootedness and the connection to my soul. I feel different when I go for training sessions for NP and when I’m suited up to pull the trigger. I feel different when I’m behind the wheel, envisioning the development of my driving techniques. That difference in feeling while pursuing a passion and knowing this is what you want to do. Am I simply missing what I have put aside for too long? Or am I oppressing my own passions?

Or maybe I’m just too impatient?

I need to get back into action with these passions, which simply defines me, engages me, and excites me. I am gonna have to find a way to integrate seeking sports excellence and adrenaline with how I can contribute and impact the society in a better way. Looks like this is yet another challenge, that awaits me.

..that is, if I’m able to get out of this maze.

Renewed Beginnings

Posted: February 9, 2012 in Makings of the Blog
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Now at 21 and turning 22 in the year of 2012, it definitely isn’t weird to start a new blog, or am I too old for one. In fact, I think it’s a good way to keep my English Language away from rust.

But the question, to readers or friends who know me, would probably be: Why have you moved?
(It’s always the same question, isn’t it?)

Well, to those who know me: Yes, I have moved. And as always, I have my reasons.

I felt that I needed to initiate a new life, a new strength, a new source of inspiration and energy, where this new beginning marks the very start of a life of deep appreciation. For everything, from darkness to light, from the ups to the downs, from colours to dullness, from strength to weakness, from victorious to defeat, etc. I want to mark down as many things of my everyday life, putting them into perspectives. To nurture the positive mindset and opinions of everyday happenings, to harness the positive strength and energy that will inadvertently keep pushing me forward despite the several hidden potholes in this journey fore. I want to remember the moments in this life that builds upon me, making me better and better each day. These will serve as constant reminders of my relentless pursuit for excellence and integrity in my life. I want to record new learnings, analysis, findings, discoveries or simply just share the day’s joy, possibly with a photo?

This is my digital diary.

The records of my Souls of Steel.

Welcome, and feel free to air your comments as you browse the entries.

P.S. ‘Phoenix’ is tagged in this post, but I’ll relate to it when I dig some history soon.