Posts Tagged ‘50m Smallbore’

I have been filling this blog with several entries so far all about shooting. And here’s another one. Again.

I don’t know how to kick off this entry. Maybe I’ll start with my initial plan.

I gave myself a time. A duration. A period. To make it into the national team. And that period ends before I ORD. But as it seems, things haven’t been happening the way I want it to be these days, these years. Something about my life is just feeling so messed up here. Apart from feeling messed up, there are 2 factors which has changed the game plan quite significantly. First, the way the sporting scene or at least, the local shooting scene, is developing, just doesn’t seem to give the respect athletes should be deserving. Well, that’s how I look at it. And I shan’t go into the details of what’s it and what’s not in this whole organisation. It’s off the topic and boils my blood to talk about it. A total waste of useful energy. Second, yet again, somehow it always seems that the government has a hand in it – National Service. NS seriously disrupts my whole life. PERIOD. You thought there would be time to train. More time to keep training. Let me tell you, that’s a freaking no. And definitely not more. As a matter of fact, much less!

So 2 things. Just 2 things and it changed the whole game plan.

And based on the original route, it’s either a make or break situation.

So make = national team…
break = byebye shooting, at least in singapore

Well then, I am going to ORD in Sep, which is like in about a month’s time. And I don’t know. Am I going really going to stop?

BIG QUESTION MARK.

Air Rifle hasn’t been developing well ever since after Singapore Open. I changed my position. I changed quite a bit of everything to try to suit the configs for my standing in 3-positions but everything is going awry. It’s placing extra strain on my left shoulder. Increasing the load, numbing out my shoulder and getting me headaches. Damn this shoulder injury, seriously. Damn hell, I’m at a serious loss on what I should even do.

Smallbore. Well, I am stuck back to training prone nowadays. And bloody hell, it’s getting worse by each training. I am not even working on Standing and Kneeling anymore here. And prone, the only event I thought I could really start drilling and excelling just shuts me dumbfounded these days with all the shots going haywire. Can’t even shoot a damn decent grouping. DAMN IT. SERIOUSLY. I NEED TO VENT!!!

Budget’s cut. Zero income for September and October. So now August, I’ve gotta cut every single expense. So Air Rifle trainings are out. Or rather more likely, I’ve come to a decision: I’m stopping Air Rifle.

Oh yes yes, I did notice another thing though. Got to seriously convert to contact lenses for 50m. Can’t see shit with my shooting glasses and the astigmatism. But budget’s cut! Can’t even get contacts now. ARGHHHHH!!!!

Coming back to the question, are these all signs to tell me: I should stop shooting altogether now in Singapore, or is it just another test of determination to see how long I can last? Honestly, no idea. I want so much to shoot, to train, to get better. But am I gonna ditch all these trainings that I’ve put so much sweat and money into just like that?

Sigh. There are doors open for me to continue training but right now, I am the one to choose whether to shut those doors or step through them. I need a coach, desperately. I’m struggling with shooting smallbore with a book from Germany, even though it’s damn useful. It’s like shooting in the dark to find the right target. It’ll take ages and I feel like it’s a waste of bullets. SO MANY ROUNDS WASTED ON TRYING TO HIT THE DAMN TARGET IN THE DARK!

It’s driving me nuts.
I just need help…

…sigh

 

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It’s over. A week of matches. A month of intensive training. And all the effort. It has all come to end on this day. 13 July 2012, Friday.

Wonder when will it ever be the next time I pick up an Air Rifle or a Free Rifle, again. I got a good feeling it won’t be a long wait anyway.

The week has been tiring, physically and mentally. I believe it is for any athlete who shoots 3 events in a week! Perhaps, it dawns on me because it’s really my first go at competing 3 events in one whole week. Afterall, it starts with the most exhausting event, 3 positions, followed by the toughest mental game: 10m Air Rifle and end it of with…the most precise game: prone? Haha.

Hectic, tiring, frustrating. I mean imagine staying on the north-eastern part of this island and waking up hours early and just to reach the range which is all the way on the WEST!! before the start time. That’s zombifyingly tiring? What about battling the peak hour heavy traffic of the expressway? God, it’s like you don’t even know you can get to the range on time even if you move out of your house like nearly 1.5 hours before the start time. 1.5 hours?!!! A journey which usually takes me 25 mins to drive on smooth traffic conditions, takes me nearly 3 times more!

Well, now if I start looking at why monthly shoots are put on Sundays, yeah, I think it’s a good idea.

Stash the morning rush and frustration aside, now let’s shift to performance of each event.

50m FR-3P:
Prone: 92 94 93 94 373 11x
Standing: 82 89 91 85 347 1x
Kneeling: 87 88 887 83 345 4x
Total: 1065

Final: 6.5 5.9 6.1 9.7 10.2 0.0 4.5 6.9 10.2 6.5 66.5
3P+ Final: 1131.5

10m ARM:
88 90 91 92 92 91 544 13x

50m FRP:
93 98 96 96 93 89 565 18x

3P was a good improvement. Not major. But decent, in comparison to my previous monthly shoot in April. And the fact that it’s my second 3P shoot. So honestly, I don’t have much to complain about except for my prone, which is, well, could be better.

AIR RIFLE. SIGH. seriously, I think this cannot get any much more ¬†indecent. Can’t even remember when was the last time I managed a 540+. Okay, I can. Back in January for Inter-formation, but that was because I was too severely ill. DISASTROUS. RIDICULOUS. Damn, throw in any word in your vocabulary to describe this outrageous performance. 540 scores have to end and so does 550. It’s time to throw them in the history books and seal them deep underground. Goodbye.

And finally, we come to prone, which was today. Not the best. Not the worst, definitely. But it was pretty well done, except for the last series which somehow, a 7 happily pops out. Got off to quite a bad start. But thanks to 3M’s stick-it notes, wrote some stuff down and just stuck them at the firing line, read & visualised the steps in my head as I shot. And it ran through my 2nd, 3rd and 4th series. Then, the rhythm broke.

The team got 2nd for both 3P and prone. But I am not ignoring the fact that there were only 3 teams. The silver was probably just a….well, it didn’t felt honorable to me. It just wasn’t well competed for. Maybe a bit for prone, especially since we’re 6 points behind! But 3P is just far far away.

But still, I must thank all who encouraged and gave me pointers along the way. Particularly, I think Uncle Kasmijan deserves most credit for constantly harping on the points, that I’ve already known, but truthfully, emotions took over and disregarded them. These points are essential. But emotions…still seems to be quite an issue.

Reflections

Somehow, 2012 seems to be a year of many revelations.

First was Inter-formation, where I was made to appreciate more.
Then the Army Shooting Meet, where I was given the opportunity to see and experience.
Now, it’s this. My own game. My greatest opponent. My greatest fear. Myself.

10th year.
Not very long.
But long enough,
to know what’s going on inside of me
to see what truly needs help
to feel my true strength

Fear. Self-Doubt. Diminished confidence. Self-demeaning words.
These are big words and they are not to be under-estimated. They trampled over me. Undermining my potential. Stabbing a knife into my confidence. Ripped away what I could have. But that’s past.

No more. It ends here.

I will face you head-on. YOU WILL NEVER EVER PUT YOUR WEIGHT OVER ME, never again.
Yes, there are times that I must admit, it’s not good enough.
But it’s NEVER AN ALWAYS. SCREW YOU, BLOODY WORDS.

I HAVE BEEN GOOD. MANY TIMES. AND I AM WAY BETTER THAN YOU THINK.
SO GET THE DAMN HELL OUT OF MY HEAD. OR THOU SHALL RE-IGNITE THE PAST FLAMES and BURN YOU DOWN, ONE BY ONE. not even a dot left on any alphabet.

No more hesitation. No more being nice. There’s a limit to everything. And my limit’s reached.

I am myself.
I am what I am.
I am Dennis Tan.
And I am good. Not just good. Very good.

My game is a silent battle and the playground’s over at the range.

No time to waste. It’s time to roar and….
.
.
.
BANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

 

p.s. i think i seriously need a coach. argh.

Singapore Open Shooting Championships 2012 is starting this weekend with all the administration procedures on registration and equipment control.

And as far as I know, I am shooting all 3 rifle events in this competition; namely 10m Air Rifle, 50m Free Rifle Prone and 50m Free Rifle 3-Positions.

Am I ready? Honestly, no. I am not mentally ready. As a matter of fact, I am coming down with a lot of pre-competition pressure and stress. Totally unnecessary. Apart from 3P, I think 10m AR and 50m prone ain’t gonna be a problem at all. Technically that is.

This is killing me. It’s really breaking me down. I feel like my brain is heading for a meltdown.

Cause? One word: Expectations.

Normally, having expectations are good. It gets you motivated, sets you at doing something and drives you towards it. But there are times, when our own expectations thread beyond the safety zone and crosses into where danger lurks. Over-expectations lead to unnecessary pressure, stress, anxiety, inhibitive reactions, etc. Puts an athlete really at the edge and eventually when he breaks, his brains will just bust. Even if he doesn’t, the performance will just go way under. Frustration’s gonna build up and self-confidence is gonna take a big dip with all the self-blame on oneself.

Oh mannn…

This is all what I am suffering right now. Well, at least the only consolation I get is that I am still sane enough to know and identify before I really go crazy.

Damn. this sucks. Sigh.

I need to do something that detaches me totally off the expectations pre-conceived in this head of mine. I need to enjoy the game. And seriously, I can’t remember when was the last time I truly enjoyed the game.

End quote: Too much expectations = more disappointment. Just get in the game, and have fun. (note to self)

Mmm, it’s about a week from my first monthly shoot and my first actual competitive match for the 3P event. Well, once again, I’m late to post. I guess I really can’t deny I feel kinda lazy to blog sometimes, possibly because I’m just too tired to put my English to creative use or I’m just too busy caught up with doing other things …like Marvel: Avengers Alliance on Facebook. (Man, it’s so addictive, it’s like a drug now.)

Honestly, the only proper training I had, was the day before the monthly shoot. Proper defined as practice for each of the positions within the same day. In fact, to add to the list of inadequacies, I practised with way less than the quantity of rounds fired in an actual match. So…yea, number 1 reason for below average performance: extreme lack of PROPER training.

I shot a total of 1011, consisting of Prone: 367, Standing: 320, Kneeling: 324.

Well, at least I met my training objective that day. What I wanted was only to ensure I have, at the least, a relatively appropriate configuration to shoot decently. Not the best but good enough to get me through. So having met those objectives, I was satisfied, even though I knew that the belief or expectation that I definitely do too well at the monthly shoot was apparent. Maybe that was a self-imposed limiting factor I may have unconsciously placed on myself.

On the shoot itself, I must say I was still feeling pretty much under-prepared for one reason because I barely knew how the format of the match is going to be. And that is a challenge…because well, it’s my first time and I had not done any trials for a full match on myself. So yea, prone was normal, as always. I just did it like any prone monthly shoots. But the anxiety for the debut match in 3-positions got my heart beating a little faster than usual. Naturally, that led to a few undesirable follow-up consequences. The increased rate of heart-beat was distracting, increases your muscles’ tension, accelerated rate of¬†homeostasis which in this case, perspiration, and heightened digestion and use of energy.

No doubt, perspiration seem to got a little too exaggerating. For every position when I removed my shooting jacket, it’s one or both of the following: the jacket got heavier and/or it got more damp. By the end of the event, I was like: “Hmmm. Okay, the jacket and innerwear is definitely drenched. And the weather is offering extreme drying services with a strong afternoon sun and a clear sky. Alright, I think I’ll just stop shooting for the day.” Seriously, the volume of perspiration couldn’t get more ridiculous than what it already was! The stench from the corrosive sweat smell…gosh, it’s x3!!!

And there’s more! Before I started shooting on the final position: Kneeling, I got a quick bite and finished half the serving of my takeaway. In fact, while finishing up my last series for my Standing position, the stomach has already started to grumble for food. This is an event that transforms hungry humans to hungry monsters! Woah.

I don’t know what to say. Must have been hell. Even running a half-marathon takes lesser time to shoot this whole event. Can you believe it? A half-marathon is physically crippling, reduces fat mass, and zombie-like if they make you start the race at 5 in the morning. A 3-Positions match is more or less static, extremely mentally exhausting, and gets you perspiring as much any physically engaging event because of the horridly humid weather here. But there’s a common similarity, they both have the ability to knock you out for hours because of the extreme fatigue the body gets from the activity.

But this is only my first of more to come…

What can I expect down the road? We’ll see…